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By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your
whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your
partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your
joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When
you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do
all she can for you; When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need
advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you
wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during
the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her
physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart,
mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see
will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams.
In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world. The
best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of
the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your
garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed,
spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with
the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that
garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska
without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort,
protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as
garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human
relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and
compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply
inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human
feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala,
"And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own
nature..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless
Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed
feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is
reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in
the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His
existence as He says in the Qur'an,
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that you may dwel! l in tranquillity with them and He has put love
and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who
reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a
staticentity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do
change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken
if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted;
continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of
marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained,
maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found
the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him
but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her. The show of emotions
is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.
Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any
emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said
"one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of
Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food
in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the
Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to
assist her up to ride the camel. Try to always find some time for both of you to
pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala
is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong.
Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more
peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for
those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi
wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up
even by throwing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to
her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with
her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said:
"The best of you are those who are best to their wives"
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until
death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not
enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she
loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones.
Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to
visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your
parents" Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said
" I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love
her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is
life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined
by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam
whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she
loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and
he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would
send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that
the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying
"O Allah let it be Hala."
A talk by Shaykh Abdullah Adhami
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